As this is my final article in the series, I thought I’d end on a high note by sharing some secrets of successful relationships based on information gathered from couples who have found themselves in long term relationships. That way we can all learn a thing or two from their life experiences.
Give Your Life Meaning
It turns out you cannot expect your partner to give your life meaning (and vice versa) if you want a successful relationship. This is something Michelle Obama had to discover for herself too as she talked about it in her Netflix documentary titled “Becoming”. You and your partner have to maintain your individuality as you’re separate beings with personalities of your own. Doing so while maintaining a connection that brings about the continued growth of the relationship.
It would appear all my talk about self love is quite relevant in the success of a lasting relationship. Be sure to read up on it if you haven’t already as I encourage you to carry on focusing on yourself and your passions even when you find yourself in a relationship.
Put In The Work
You have to consciously put in the work to maintain any relationship. As a couple, this means making time for each other, looking out for each other’s interest and doing things that make each other happy. This conscious effort has to come from both parties for it to work so it doesn’t feel one sided.
Being conscious also means to be present whenever you spend time together. There’s no point booking a date night only for you to be on your phone all night distracted by social media or work. Practise being present and enjoying the moments you spend together. That’s how beautiful memories are created.
Seek Healing For Yourself
Just as you can’t expect your partner to give your life meaning, it is unfair to expect them to heal your emotional wounds. The best they can do is be there for you and show you support in their own way. But healing has to stem from you. You have to seek it out for yourself. Sometimes this might require therapy. It is unrealistic to put the burden of your healing on your partner and vice versa. Once you’re both aware of this, you’re able to recognise and receive their support as opposed to imposing your expectations on them.
Trust and Respect
No relationship can genuinely thrive without trust and respect. Both parties have to trust and respect each other. Trust comes about by staying the course of the commitments you make in your relationship and respect comes about by treating one another with consideration.Trust and respect remain strong pillars of many successful relationships.
Both parties have to be realistic about one another and not impose ideals of what they hope their partners would be. Be willing to accept your partner for who they are and vice versa. This does not mean you remain in an unhealthy relationship if it turns out your partner is for example abusive. Accepting them for who they are means you can’t necessarily change them which means you will have to make a decision to leave the relationship before you get hurt.
I can’t stress enough how communication is paramount in the success of a relationship. Both parties need to continue to use this tool not just when it comes to the relationship but also with themselves too. Yes, talking things through with your partner is important, but you also need to talk things through with yourself too.
For example you could keep bringing up a particular issue with your partner which escalates to an even bigger argument. However, it could be that you don’t even care that much about that issue. So why even bring it up especially if it chips away at your relationship. This doesn’t mean you don’t raise your concerns with your partner, it just means you don’t let it get out of hand if it means nothing to you in the grand scheme of things. Something you’re only able to decipher if you ask yourself some key questions. Soon enough, you’ll know when to let things go as well as what’s worth it.
In Summary, the success of a relationship requires conscious effort and active participation by both parties. Maintaining your individuality is key as well as communicating. You also have to curb your expectations to a certain extent and be realistic about who you both are while making sure to practice mutual trust and respect.